In general, i think your essay is well structured and ideas are expressed logically. Thesis statement is well defined in the introduction and the diversity of the concluding sentense types used make the text flows smoothly.However , there are still some minor points about the supporting details which are unclear to me.
I found that in your subtopics, you paraphased the quotations for all the supporting details.Some of them are even stated without mentioning the people and the event itself. I was wondering do you still need to "cite" , because some of them are just very general sentense or idea to me.For example, in paragrapf 4 you combined two different exapmles which i think it is a personal summary.
In addition, i think your supporting details are not detailed enough to illustrate your points. In paragragh 3 your second "quality" - knowledge, i can not get a clear picture of the nature of the quality and the quotation does not tell me how the author demenstrates although you put in your last sentence.
Concerning the example on paragraph four, I would think it is better to cite as I am still conveying a idea from the passage itself. Though the ideas seem general, I am still paraphrasing them from the original passage as such proper citation is required to give credits to the author himself. In paragraph 3, as seen from the passage under the heading clever tactics last paragraph, “having studies Koh, Ripert, and Merkel, I used diverse instrument to steer the discussion, always consulting with all sectors” (Raul Estrada-Oyuela, 2009, p. 1057). Without the knowledge from his predecessors, Raul would not have been able to steer the discussion away.
回复删除Some of the ideas and examples in my essay maybe implied instead of putting down them explicitly, as people already have a general idea of what the article is about if they have read it prior to reading my essay. As such, some of the points that I have put across may not be concise to the point that people can understand if they have not actually read the essay.
Thanks for the comment and hope you have a nice day! =)