In general, i think your essay is well structured and ideas are expressed logically. Thesis statement is well defined in the introduction and the diversity of the concluding sentense types used make the text flows smoothly.However , there are still some minor points about the supporting details which are unclear to me.
I found that in your subtopics, you paraphased the quotations for all the supporting details.Some of them are even stated without mentioning the people and the event itself. I was wondering do you still need to "cite" , because some of them are just very general sentense or idea to me.For example, in paragrapf 4 you combined two different exapmles which i think it is a personal summary.
In addition, i think your supporting details are not detailed enough to illustrate your points. In paragragh 3 your second "quality" - knowledge, i can not get a clear picture of the nature of the quality and the quotation does not tell me how the author demenstrates although you put in your last sentence.
2010年2月25日星期四
2010年2月8日星期一
Comment on Min Ting's summary
Min Ting's summary is about the speech given by Benjamin K.Sovacool, Asistant Professor from Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy. It is apparent that there are 3 parts in the lecture, and they are overview of climate change conundrum, institutional solutions and individual solutions, which are all included in her summary.
To start with the climate change conundrum, Prof. Benjamin used bar charts to give us a clear picture of the emissions of various greenhouse gases as well as the comparison on emissions between different fields and countries.Min Ting pointed out the five areas and the countries with rapid economic growth are the mian producers.However, Prof aslo showed us the difference in CO2 emissions within each country itself which indicates that CO2 emissions has increased recently in most countries. Additionally, the richer the country is, the more CO2 it will emit.
Followed by the institutional and individual solutions, i think she has summarized it quite well. Just to add on her part on the Individual solutions, we can fight for climate change by changing our lifestyle in 4 main areas, that is, electricity, food, home and technology.
To sum up, Min Ting's summary is well structured and has almost cover all the information. But from my point of view, we can add in the two points to make it more complete.
To start with the climate change conundrum, Prof. Benjamin used bar charts to give us a clear picture of the emissions of various greenhouse gases as well as the comparison on emissions between different fields and countries.Min Ting pointed out the five areas and the countries with rapid economic growth are the mian producers.However, Prof aslo showed us the difference in CO2 emissions within each country itself which indicates that CO2 emissions has increased recently in most countries. Additionally, the richer the country is, the more CO2 it will emit.
Followed by the institutional and individual solutions, i think she has summarized it quite well. Just to add on her part on the Individual solutions, we can fight for climate change by changing our lifestyle in 4 main areas, that is, electricity, food, home and technology.
To sum up, Min Ting's summary is well structured and has almost cover all the information. But from my point of view, we can add in the two points to make it more complete.
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